5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT HAN SOLO
HOLLYWOOD – With the news that there will be a stand alone Star Wars Anthology movie for Han Solo directed by Chris Miller and Phil Lord, the Studio Exec FACT Squad jumped into their Millennium Falcon and ‘punched it’.
So here are the five FACTS you need to know but didn’t about the man who made the Kessel run in under 12 par secs.
1. The Kessler Run is actually a really short distance and most people make it in 5 par secs easy. Han Solo has always been a bad liar, often making his lies less impressive than the truth would have been.
2. Han Solo’s real name is Derek ‘Hand’ Solo. The nickname ‘hand’ comes from the old Academy days when ‘Hand’ was known mainly for his endless devotion to Onanism. He dropped the ‘D’ for obvious reasons.
3. Wookie co-pilot Chewbacca and Han Solo have only had sex with each other once when they were both very drunk. Neither have ruled a repetition out, but have no plans to take the relationship any further.
4. The Millennium Falcon actually belongs to Chewbacca, but Wookies are notoriously inept at legal niceties and Han Solo just pretends it belongs to him. He’s been doing it so long now that when the time comes to pay the insurance both Chewbacca and Han Solo are surprised to find the ship in Chewbacca’s name. They laugh over this now.
5. Han Solo never actually married Princess Leia. They just live together and have great sex.
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