WESTEROS – We all think we know The Game of Thrones (Season 5) but other than the fact that Winter is always Coming, what do we really know?
The Studio Exec FACT squad graphically murdered several lead characters in unexpected ways to find out some more of the lore.
1. The Game of Thrones show is now entirely divorced from George RR Martin novels following the discovery that Martin had no idea where the story was going and had actually placed his characters in a holding pattern – endlessly circling each other – for two books while he tried to figure out what to do next. Every episode of the new season is entirely improvised. Peter Dinklage told us that ‘it is really exciting, but dangerous. You can feel the fear among the cast. Except for Emilia Clarke who’s always too drunk to care.’
2. Since reinventing action cinema with Pompeii, Kit Harrington, who plays Jon Snow, now refuses to take any direction whatsoever and has forced everyone to greet him with the line: ‘Jon Snow knows everything’.
3. Despite the idea that Season Four was going to have a peaceful ending, violence has continued to be a part of the show’s fantasy cocktail, but real life violence on the set has caused a number of deaths. The main culprits are reportedly Emilia Clarke’s dragons which have grown so large and unruly that HBO are going through tens of interns every season. An inside source told the exec: ‘Those who aren’t incinerated are eaten, and the remains are thrown to the dogs.’
4. Although sex has always been a sure fire element of the show’s popularity, Game of Thrones producers have a very strict method of keeping the sex under control using charts which specify how many penises, breasts, buttocks and front fannies can be shown in each episode, with dimensions and heft specified.
5. Sean Bean will return for the finale of Season Five and kill everyone. This wasn’t in the original storyline, but Bean had been nursing his resentment for four seasons and so producers – at a loss how to conclude the season – called him back and allowed him free reign.
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