HOLLYWOOD – Megyn Kelly’s new boyfriend is in the news but what do we really know about Alex Jones.
We sent the Studio Exec ALTERNATE FACT Squad to find out about who Alex Jones really is.
1. Alex Jones is a conspiracy and a false flag. The CIA or the NSA invented him to make everyone despair of the future of the human race. Thomas Pynchon once wrote: ‘Get them asking the wrong questions. It doesn’t matter if they find the answers.’ Jones is the patron saint of the wrong questions.
2. Alex Jones started his career as a choir boy and had a hit singing the theme song ‘I’m Walking in the Air’ t the Raymond Briggs animated feature The Snowman.
3. During his divorce, Alex Jones confessed to being a kind of performance artist. He also worked as a trapeze artist, a tightrope walker, a sword-swallower and human shaped receptacle for bile and filth.
4. Jabba the Hutt and Alex Jones have never been seen in the same room at the same time.
5. Among the many controversies Jones has embroiled himself in with all the sensitivity of a knuckle and the intellect of a clam, the most famous was the claim that the Sandy Hook school shooting was faked. His claim led to the harassment of some of the parents of the dead children by online trolls, convinced that they were part of some conspiracy. The lack of empathy, the certainty of rightness without any evidence or intellectual support, the leap from supposition to conclusion with none of the intervening stages of – you know, thinking it through, asking people etc. – the bullish stubborn dumbness of this raspy voiced rat-penised asshole makes it no surprise that President Donald Trump likes and admires him. The unflushed toilet of America has a face and it is that of Alex Jones.