HOLLYWOOD- The Academy confirmed this morning that the traditional Oscar gift bags will be considerably lighter this year out of respect for the millions of American’s living in abject poverty.
“It’s the right thing to do” said Academy spokesman Jack Napier.
We considered scrapping them completely and using the money to build a children’s hospital but many of our members said the only reason they bother turning up to the ceremony is for the free gifts. Sir Ben Kingsley wrote us a very stern letter saying that he would return his statue if he didn’t get a present and i’m afraid if it’s a choice between keeping Sir Ben happy and a dialysis machine. There’s only going to be one winner.”
“We’re not monsters” said Napier
Sure there will be a few treats in store but nothing too opulent or offensive”.