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Tuesday 29 September 2020
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2014 OSCAR GIFT BAGS REFLECT POOR US ECONOMY

2014 OSCAR GIFT BAGS REFLECT POOR US ECONOMY
















HOLLYWOOD- The Academy confirmed this morning that the traditional Oscar gift bags will be considerably lighter this year out of respect for the millions of American’s living in abject poverty.


“It’s the right thing to do” said Academy spokesman Jack Napier.

We considered scrapping them completely and using the money to build a children’s hospital but many of our members said the only reason they bother turning up to the ceremony is for the free gifts. Sir Ben Kingsley wrote us a very stern letter saying that he would return his statue if he didn’t get a present and i’m afraid if it’s a choice between keeping Sir Ben happy and a dialysis machine. There’s only going to be one winner.”

The Academy has printed a list (which you can find below) comparing the contents of the 2013 and 2014 gift bags to prove that Hollywood is hearing the weak, malnourished cries of the countries poor

“We’re not monsters” said Napier

Sure there will be a few treats in store but nothing too opulent or offensive”.


List of 2013 Oscar Gift Bag Contents

Gold and Platinum Rolex
I-Pad + I Phone
1 Years subscription to Playboy
$50,000 in unmarked bills.
1 small vial containing the blood of Christ.
Get out of Jail free Card
Various precious stones
Gucci Shades
1 bottle of Cristal

List of 2014 Oscar Gift Bag Contents

KFC vouchers
A Toothbrush
Teabags
A Mars Bar
A signed copy of  Walter Mitty
A Weekend break for two in Nebraska
1 Years subscription to Empire Magazine
A block of non-descript cheese.
A used Biro
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