It’s been years since award-winning documentary Jurassic Park hit the screens and dazzled a generation of cinema goers. Apparently there were two sequels and one of them starred William H Macy as a Stegosaurus but I haven’t bothered to see them. Or I have already seen them and I can’t remember a damn thing that happens.

Does Vince Vaughn get eaten by Godzilla in one or was that a wet dream I had? Anyway, Jurassic World is due to be released in 2015 and here is a run down of what we know:
  1. Jurassic World focuses on a housing project in Baltimore.  Idris Elba will play a guy called Stringer Bell who deals powdered Triceratops horn to the Chinese.

  2. Mickey Rourke will definitely have sex with a Raptor.

  3. The end credits will feature a scene in which Iron Man convinces a Brontosaurus to join The Avengers.

  4. Bryce Dallas Howard will play Bryce Dallas Howard in the patented Bryce Dallas Howard role.

  5. KFC will be the food outlet advertising tie-in producing a new range to promote the movie including, but not limited to, Hot and Spicy Pterodactyl Wings, Honey glazed Diplodocus thighs and Iguanodon semen slushies.

  6. A herd of Zombie Dinosaurs will make an appearance.

  7. Jeff Goldblum will reprise his role as Dr Seth Brundle who will be genetically spliced with a megalosaurus during a freak teleportation accident.

  8. John Williams has confirmed he will compose the entire soundtrack on a Kazoo.

  9. Steven Spielberg recently told The New York Times that George Lucas offered to direct the movie. “I didn’t stop laughing for three months,” said Spielberg.

  10. In order to maximise security, the film will be distributed to cinemas under the code name: Debbie Does Dinosaurs.
Jurassic World is due for release in 2015.
(Visited 23 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.