LONDON – Keira Knightley revealed yesterday that she suffers from Twinnings Disease, a rare condition in which the sufferer cannot close his or her mouth completely.
It is a condition she has had since childhood. The Pirates of the Caribbean star spoke of her pain to Studio Exec: ‘I always look like I’m blowing on tea to cool it,’ the Domino whined, before adding with a girlish laugh, ‘or porridge or broth.’
Ms. Knightley has been trying to close her mouth for some time and indeed it was her effort to do so that led to the bizarre jaw jutting performance of A Dangerous Method, during the filming of which Michael Fassbender almost lost an eye.
‘The problem is people look at Keira and they think they see a girl who has everything,’ comments Keira Knightley Fan Club president Markie DeSad. ‘But what she wouldn’t give just to have her lips meet all the way round.’
However, hope is on the way. A new radical technique in cosmetic surgery known simply as the Clamp will perhaps be the answer to the Bend it Like Beckham starlet’s nightmare. A charity concert of under-acting is to be organised by fellow Thespians Orlando Bloom, Jude Law and Kate Winslett, and tickets are to be sold or given away at the last minute to avoid embarrassment. The concert will, the organisers say, raise awareness of Twinnings Disease, ‘and anyway Tuesdays are usually slow.’
Ms. Knightley is due to undergo the procedure early next year which alas was too late for her performance in The Imitation Game.