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Thursday 27 July 2017
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JOHNNY DEPP ARRESTED FOR ASSASSINATION PLOT

JOHNNY DEPP ARRESTED FOR ASSASSINATION PLOT

HOLLYWOOD – Johnny Depp was arrested last night by the British police for plotting the assassination of President Donald Trump.

Johnny Depp is currently being held in a police cell in an undisclosed location in Great Britain awaiting extradition to the United States where he will be expected to stand trial for threatening the life of the President of the USA. If found guilty, he could face life in prison. Depp apparently revealed his plot during an appearance at the Glastonbury Festival, a three day music event deep in the English countryside. In the early hours of this morning, anti-terrorism police swooped in to capture the Jack Sparrow actor in the lounge bar of the local hotel. In a statement released by law enforcement, a spokesperson said this:

We take all assassination threats very seriously indeed. Especially of a foreign head of state. Some have suggested Depp was saying a joke but to everyone there it was obvious that he wasn’t joking in that it wasn’t funny. And jokes are funny. So answer that. Depp had a plan and even identified that the assassin would be an actor. Johnny Depp works as an actor and so we put two and two together.

Lawyers for Johnny Depp claimed that the whole thing was a big misunderstanding.

The police received a tip off from a woman who sounded like the actress from Drive Angry and The Rum Diary. They acted on this information, but we’ll clear this whole thing up soon enough. As long as Johnny doesn’t insist on paying me in cotton balls again. The whole case doesn’t make any sense. If he really wanted to do it, why would he announce it to an audience of thousands of people? In a filmed event?

However, security consultants have stated that this kind of anticipated confession represents a common tactic of double bluff. John Wilkes Booth openly spoke of assassinating Abraham Lincoln ‘as a joke’ before then actually assassinating Abraham Lincoln ‘for reals’.

On the bright side, it looks unlikely that there’ll be another Pirates of the Caribbean film in the near future.

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10 thoughts on “JOHNNY DEPP ARRESTED FOR ASSASSINATION PLOT

    1. C. Case

      I hope he is charged and sentenced to hard labor in a federal prison. He is a fool and just because he’s a celebrity, that doesn’t excuse his statements, the law applies to idiots like him as well. It’s time to start making examples of these liberal loons, this would be a good start.

      LOCK HIM UP!

      Reply
          1. The truthsayer

            So when do they come to pick up Ted Nugent? Who told Obama to ” suck on my machine gun punk ” while firing it off before a crowd? Who referred to him as a “subhuman mongrel” and made a statement that “if Obama is reelected in 2012 I’ll either be dead or in jail” which seemed a fairly explicit threat . Now, most people know the Nguyen is a pussy to dodge the draft, and would never ever actually act on any of his tough guy talk….. But that too is freedom of speech, where he clearly threaten the president. No, should he have been arrested as well? .

      1. Arthur Gangnon

        You guys do know this is a fake report right? Johnny Depp has not ben arrested. Fake news sites are posting a whole host of different versions of this and all are false.

        Reply
  1. augest west

    I think this is nothing more then a HOAX and bull crap. If everyone who has threatened to kill Trump went to jail we would have to build another one just for them.

    Reply

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