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Thursday 17 August 2017
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GOD DECLARES ‘I’M VOTING FOR HILLARY.’

GOD DECLARES ‘I’M VOTING FOR HILLARY.’

HEAVEN – God has officially declared he is voting for Hillary Clinton in the upcoming presidential elections.

“I don’t want to do it, but I don’t really have a f*cking choice!”,  said the omnipotent deity.  

I blame myself, I really do. Free will seemed like a good idea at the time, it meant I didn’t have to get involved so much and I could just chill out and watch Netflix but now look what’s happened. Donald Trump could be the next President, for Christ’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, I love Donald, because I love everyone, but I don’t really like the guy. He’s a massive asshole!

Asked about his opinion of Hillary Clinton, God was candid:

Look, she’s got her issues. Very few people get to the position of power she’s in without committing some dastardly deeds but let’s forgive and forget. I’ve done some pretty shitty things myself but you’ve gotten over it. I mean, I killed all of the firstborn of Egypt and that’s far worse than sending a few top secret emails on a blackberry. 

The Studio Exec attempted to get in touch with Lucifer to ask who he was backing in the election but his secretary said he was unavailable for comment:

Lucifer is currently busy working on the script for Indiana Jones 5 with his old friend, George Lucas. They’ve got about 90% of the script written they just haven’t yet decided if Indy’s twin sister is identical or fraternal.

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