HOLLYWOOD- Sir Edwin Fluffer once again delves into his personal memoirs – soon to be published as ‘Not THAT Kind of Fluffer!!!’ – to recall the an incident at the Cannes Film Festival.
Dear Debbie Reynolds,
Just back from the premiere of The Great Gatsby, and you’ll never guess who was in it: dear little Leo DiCaprio! Can’t remember what part he played and if truth be told it dragged on a little. I fell asleep before the bit where the boat sinks. Got back to the hotel and found out that some bugger had pinched my cuff links! Tell Carrie I’ve got her Duty Free, she can pay me when I get back.
Lots of love,
Dear Gerard Depardieu,
Gerry! I asked the waiter at the Gilded Cheese if you’d been in lately and he tells me you’ve chipped off to Moscow. Bloody cold I’d imagine. The sun’s out here in Cannes, and a lot of the old crowd are meeting up for drinks later. Won’t be the same without you darling, but at least it’ll give the local gendarmerie the night off. I told you they weren’t really sisters didn’t I?
Dear Gene Hackman,
We’re missing you at Cannes this year, Gene old pal. Bloody Stevie Spielberg keeps trying to catch my eye because he still wants us to do the My Own Private Idaho sequel. He’s giving me all the ‘people want to see how the characters have grown’ nonsense, but I’m not falling for that again, and neither should you. I said to give Harvey Keitel a ring, he’ll whip it out for anyone.
Ask Clint if he can pop ‘round to see if I’ve got any mail.
Dear Jack Nicholson,
Having a lovely time at Cannes this year Jacky: the Mayor says all is forgiven and we’re both welcome back any time, so that’s good news. ‘Eau under the pont’ as I told him, but I’m on best behaviour just in case. We don’t want Interpol getting snooty again. I’ve found what room Jerry Lewis is staying in, so guess who’s getting my bar bill!
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